Relationships and Nepali Parents

Whenever the talk about relationship comes up in my family household, theres always a mixed reaction. When we were in primary and secondary school, my siblings and I were told that we could have ”boyfriends/girlfriends” after we finished our GCSEs. Post-GCSEs, it was A’Levels, and now when we’re all in University, the parents are still finding this whole issue so longwinded. They tend to bring up the whole, dignity and society values up. What will people think, what will they say. I cant understand why my parents and many other Nepali parents would want to focus so much on others feedbacks. I guess they want to present the image of an ideal family out to others, even to the ones who we dont know. Nepali parents also seem to get confused with being in a relationship, whenever my parents suspect that we’re hatched up with someone, their favourite topic is ‘Engagement’. They believe that rather than dating we should jump to this commitment. Their reason for this is, people would stop gossiping, you dont have to keep it on the low. Laa Dee Dahh Boo! I dont really know where Im going with this post, or what the message of this article is. 

Maybe we should all encourage our elders to not hold on to our values or care about what others think so much. To bring a change in the way they think. Coming from a conservative society, we the young ones shouldnt take what we have too far aswell, however being exposed to such an open-Western society but living with the traditional family at home is surely going to confuse many of us. I hear exciting stories (thanks to gossiping Nepali mothers…and fathers) some good, some bad, some just plain stupid. Nepali parents know whats going on, its inevitable but how long are they going to keep it on the low. Its about time they just deal with it and accept that, take pride that their son or daughter is happy seeing/being with another individual. Tell me, what do your parents say? Are they any cooler?
Lex Limbu
Lex Limbu is a non-resident Nepali blogger based in the UK. YouTube videos is where he started initially followed by blogging. Join him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.

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  1. its so funny you posted this cos my rents are getting on my nerves about this exact deal! and it is very true that they think we should jump into the commitment of “marriage/engagement”. dating is something they do not understand and i do not think they ever will due to their old century thinking. until our own generation sweeps to take over, this relationships we make and break will remain tabooed. those of you with more understanding rents- good on you! and tell your rents i saif they’re cool!

  2. Generally speaking, We are Nepalese seem to have an issues with realationship, Weather is being in love with someone, you got out with someone. It somehow make a huge difference.

    I beleive, This may be true to some extent but, However this is the way we were taught when we were kids, We were told to do this not to do that. but not all were right or wrong, I suppose.

    And telling about myself, I was raised freely most of my time. Even today my parents encourge me to go out with someone, know him/her better, but the point is will you get the one you wanted or were your parents right?

    But one thing, I know is. It is “WE” who is going to spread a life time with him/her not our parents. I think it our choice to choose, but in some case it unacceptable.

    It depends..

  3. I totally agree with what you’re writing, and honestly, I get so frustrated with this whole idealistic approach nepali parents have with relationships.
    Actually, it’s usually the girls who are victimised to these situations, more so than the guys, due to, as you said, REPUTATION, traditional thinking etc.
    Obviously, since we have grown up here and we are surrounded by british parents that don’t hold the same values as our parents do, we generally pick up on british values. Unfortunately, we can’t say the same for our parents, and maybe in some perspective, we shouldn’t expect to either, because the values they learnt when they were our age wasn’t what we are learning now.
    We generally believe that what we are learning now is what we will hold onto and pass on to our children, and in a way, it’s the same with our parents, they’re just letting us know what they have been taught to think and teach.
    I’ve had so many discussions with my parents and other people’s parents about all these different issues of how “we” feel and how “they” feel, and I realise now that they can’t change the way we feel, nor can we change the way they feel.
    I don’t think perpective will change as far as nepalese parents and relationships go, on a general term. It will change when we become parents!

  4. why don’t you all find a person who also fits into your parents category?
    but for that Nepali parents need to help you guys out by establishing an avenue where you people can hang out and check each other out. I thought they had similar traditions back home. didn’t they? must be only with certain tribes. huh? how about doing it in the UK for all gurkha folks? just my few cents.

  5. Lex I enjoyed reading the article. I think you should also write about the castes discrimination with relationships and pressure from our conservative community/parents?

  6. my mum says u wont be able to touch my dead body and the society wont let you come for my funeral so its pretty dramatic at my place.eee!!!

  7. its because society has given our parents a different perspective to the one we have become accustomed too. different beliefs, different traits, different persona; jeez we just do not seem to get on. maybe asian teenagers were doomed from the start.

    ps this post makes me wonder who the famous lex limbus gona marry 😉

  8. life is amazing. there are ups n downs so is the realationship status especially caste. you need to marry wit the same caste group if not people will disrespect u and will cause sin for the family, how by marrying another human being except the surname is little different. i dont know wat will happen 2 me in the future but all i know is be hapy with a human being(partner) not wit a surname.

  9. haha …. you’re right, lots of parents seem to find the idea of dating absurd but happily forward their kids suggestions for fiances! surprisingly, my parents are actually normal about this whole dating thing – they want the usual, who it is and they want to meet him. i can’t complain. they love my boyfriend and we have him over for dinner often. obviously, i wish it were the same for others. because less kids would be up to funny business at the garden of dreams and there would so much less sneaking around … which we all know happens aplenty in this city ; )

  10. caste is one of the major issue when nepalese children grow up, i dont understand why nepalese parents have problem with their children marrying a different caste, what has caste got to do with a person’s character or the relationship? caste doesnt have a personality, affection, love, trust, respect, sincerity or anything, a peron has it all..afterall once your married, you got to spend your whole life with the character not the caste. at this stage of the life parents only think about the reputation, what the society will think and all, they never think for the sake of the children happiness they needs to be supporting their children to fight the society!!!

  11. i think most parents are just worried that we might have sexual relationships too and ofcourse for girls, that’s a very sensitive topic because they might worry if “she” gets pregnant…actually anyone would…the other reason is ofcourse the different cast….when will we nepalese realise that we’re human first, then asian, then nepalese and then only the cast we are….we should try dating a black guy/gal to set them straight…maybe then they’ll realise that the nepali guy/gal was a better choice….

  12. this is pretty late feedback but here it is
    I had the same problem over the summer, but not serious as relationaship, going clubing at night, and drunk hook ups, tattoo, piercing, smokes…its normal for me and where i have been, but unfortunately, even in the nepali and tibetan society, it is the same. they care about others shit than their own. people dont even know my name yet they know everything about my life, how i am and the gossips spreads like a virus. and each mothers specially are like a radio staion and passes messages on phone to phone unconciosuly… god. i dont want to be mean, and yes i understand where they grew up, but even so, why do they care about others than their own children? and i am now in college, i see my frens, going all crazy havin fun, living thier life, doing wat they love, not just hookin up, but i see the leaders who are up there with piercing all over the face, tattoo on thier chest, and there parents, family, president, professors are most proud of them. That just reminded me how lucky they are to be born in same or almost same generation of their parents and teachers. And that him, his parents and the scoiety understands not to judge people from thier appearance, or lifestyle, views etc. im not trying to be western or watever but the idea of freedom, living life according to ur means n yet still having a healthy relationaship with ur parents, society… i tried to make my family understand but they dont even try and just accepted that i have been spoiled and their heart broken.

  13. Hahaha…..feri same topic. Just deal with it. It’s so annoying to read these kinda story too often n see withy own eyes. I believe patents r just in denial.its up to you guys to convince your parents, bhanda kheri bidees ma baseyko n study gareyko ani aafno babu ama lai convince fatally nasakney. Do something abt it rather just complaining. I hope this topic does not come up again. M a big fan( hahaha ) of your blog, so I guess this is your second or third time writing about it.hope to read something good next time. 🙂

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