I sometimes wonder if I’m a real or a fake person. There are days when I wake up and I literally feel like O MY GOD I WANT TO DIE… but come on, every average teenager has that feeling right? Sometimes we just cannot be bothered to do this, do that, do whats ‘expected’ from us. I am just the same. I am struggling but trying my best to keep my feelings private and not let that affect my public ‘persona’, a persona which I want at its best always to be positive. But there are days, recently there have been quite a lot of days where I just don’t understand myself, what I’m creating, the present or the future. A very perplexed stage.
When I was 16 I started youtubing and blogging for amusement, to get away from the normal dull school life. I liked blogging, my attempt to be witty, inject some oomph and ooh lala! Kinda create a different person to who I really am. I tell you, I have disappointed many that have met ‘lexlimbu’ during the course of blogging/youtubing. People always tend to think I’ll be very loud, flamboyant and a character that’s full of life. Not necessarily. I tried to put my thoughts in pattern and relate that before I wrote this but it was ever so difficult. I don’t know what to mention and what to ignore. What I do want to say is, a thank you. A thank you to all the people on my facebook, twitter, youtube and blog – your likes, comments and messages may not have been personally acknowledged but just know that its very reassuring to know that at a time when its so easy to hate someone, knowing a good few thousands appreciate what I do certainly keeps me going. When I think of all the negative comments I used to get and that I still do till today flooding my comments on this blog or my facebook inbox or even having people directly come up to me, I don’t understand it. Then again, I have stopped trying to understand that a long time ago. Pleasing millions will never be my intention. Most articles, journals and blogs normally have a conclusion which the author makes at the end however I am still finding my conclusion and one blogpost alone is not quite enough to do so.
For now, I would like to say a thank you to everyone, thank you and please don’t expect too much from me, I worry that I will just pave a path to disappointment for you all.