I sometimes wonder if I’m a real or a fake person. There are days when I wake up and I literally feel like O MY GOD I WANT TO DIE… but come on, every average teenager has that feeling right? Sometimes we just cannot be bothered to do this, do that, do whats ‘expected’ from us. I am just the same. I am struggling but trying my best to keep my feelings private and not let that affect my public ‘persona’, a persona which I want at its best always to be positive. But there are days, recently there have been quite a lot of days where I just don’t understand myself, what I’m creating, the present or the future. A very perplexed stage. 
 
When I was 16 I started youtubing and blogging for amusement, to get away from the normal dull school life. I liked blogging, my attempt to be witty, inject some oomph and ooh lala! Kinda create a different person to who I really am. I tell you, I have disappointed many that have met ‘lexlimbu’ during the course of blogging/youtubing. People always tend to think I’ll be very loud, flamboyant and a character that’s full of life. Not necessarily. I tried to put my thoughts in pattern and relate that before I wrote this but it was ever so difficult. I don’t know what to mention and what to ignore. What I do want to say is, a thank you. A thank you to all the people on my facebook, twitter, youtube and blog – your likes, comments and messages may not have been personally acknowledged but just know that its very reassuring to know that at a time when its so easy to hate someone, knowing a good few thousands appreciate what I do certainly keeps me going. When I think of all the negative comments I used to get and that I still do till today flooding my comments on this blog or my facebook inbox or even having people directly come up to me, I don’t understand it. Then again, I have stopped trying to understand that a long time ago. Pleasing millions will never be my intention. Most articles, journals and blogs normally have a conclusion which the author makes at the end however I am still finding my conclusion and one blogpost alone is not quite enough to do so.
 
For now, I would like to say a thank you to everyone, thank you and please don’t expect too much from me, I worry that I will just pave a path to disappointment for you all.

11 COMMENTS

  1. Lex! Keep on moving towards positive paths, as you have always did. Life is full of ups and downs, but ITS TRUE that you are inspring millions of people out there to DO GOOD, including myself……So good luck..

  2. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. And your just that perfect bits of motivation to millions of people who view your website. personally for me its like if he can I think I can, I think I can.. We all can.

    There is nothing wrong with asking for what you want,Pick your battles today

  3. Hey lex…. no worries mate… Just think if u weren’t good on what u did.. and if u din’t deliver what people wanted to read then u wouldn’t be here at this point… every creative things starts as a hobby but u love to do it so much that u get stucked up with it… and best thing is to get paid.. and there comes the resposiblity… the value for what u are getting paid. Raise ur head up bro.. as i’m older i’ve been thru these shit when u doubt urself.. but think once again this is what u r best at… and proally enjoy doing. Cheers man..
    P.S. Disappointment on the personal meet ups.. Duh… Satisfying whole human race ain’t our daily errand!!! Cheers mate… Shine on
    Deejay Tantrik.

  4. Hey Lex, I really enjoy checking out your site. You’re the first Nepali, i think,to capture and blog the many rapid developments taking place in Nepal.Your blogging HAS AN IMPACT. More people has/will speak up. Take for example the corruption case in the airport.
    If you dwell on the negative too much, you make your life miserable.You can’t please everybody, so who cares?
    so, Keep up the good work hombre!;)

  5. I also feel the same sometimes if I’m fake or real?? it is bit weird maybe its coz I am too paranoid and i know I am I don’t know how to get my head around it but you keep on doing what you are and don’t let the haters win 🙂

  6. Ya, you are write that every teenagers come to the point >>>OMG wanna die “.Me too when I wake up I leave my bed saying… yes ! today will be the best day but sometime it goes freaking bad ..and at the end of the day I feel like…Why !! why would this happen to me ?….pheww !!! …Fine, take it Easy girl ! then this is what I say to myself which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.Lex I really appreciate what you are doing and encourage you to keep up with it !

  7. Everyone has their bad days, good days, uncertain days, and ‘i-wanna-die’ days. But youe truly are an inspiration to all the youth out there. So plz continue what youre doing coz you’re best at it. We all appreciate you work and we love you.

  8. Little boy with so many thoughts. U r good at what u do, U r making a difference in everyone’s life who follow u and the haters too as they tend to come back and look at your blogs. They r jealous coz they can’t do wat u can. U even inspire this old lady….but always remember who u are and where u are from..DOn’t loose yourself 🙂 cheers

  9. I am really inspired by you but I have this very important question, can you please answer it? Are you a gay motherfucker??

  10. You’re awesome Lex! We,SanFranciscans are really really proud of you!!! Please, don’t ever stop what you’re doing for Nepal. Everybody has their list of websites that they like to check everyday, and yes! I am sure you are definitely in that list for most Nepalese. Our best wishes are always with you, and please don’t ever talk about dying (lol.)

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